WHAT IS A DIVORCE COACH?

The collaborative process provides you with an opportunity to define and implement a plan for your desired post-divorce relationship. The strong focus on meeting the needs of each person going forward requires a great deal of work and of working together. Each of you will have to answer the questions : “What do I need my life to look like going forward?” and “what do I need to live that life?” A divorce coach will help you to shape that vision responsibly. As s trained .mental health professional, licensed by the state to practice, with specialty training in collaborative practice, my job is to help you with decision making and goal setting for your future and that of your children. Each spouse will work with their coach to develop a plan of action. As your divorce coach, I will help you move beyond the high level of emotion which is often a stumbling block to resolving your divorce related issues, whether it be
concerning your own fears and anxieties about the future
or how your children’s welfare will be impacted. My job is to help you develop effective problem solving tools to reduce misunderstandings in communication and to help create solutions to emotionally laden legal issues.

In traditional divorce, clients often face the emotional impact of their separation while trying to work on the legal aspects at the same time. Most attorneys are not trained to act as “therapists” and cannot provide the proper emotional support to their client. As your divorce coach, I leave your attorney free to handle the legal aspects of your case, as I guide you through the emotional minefields of divorce, to get you safely through to “the other side.” Many divorcing couples wind up in traditional litigation because they are reacting to fear, anger and a desire for retribution, and are not thinking about what will happen once the divorce battle has ended.  As your divorce coach, I will help you solve these problems by refocusing emotionally based thinking, helping you to determine what is important for you and your children, not only in the immediate present, for the long-term future.

It is important to remember that as your divorce coach, I do not assume the role of therapist.  A therapist seeks to uncover the source of the problem; i.e. a childhood disuse form where a conflict originated. A divorce coach focuses on the situation at hand and works on problem solving. Rather than seeking a reason why the divorce happened, a coach helps you to take action on dealing with the present as it impacts the future well-being of the family. For example, a couple who cannot communicate without arguing can be taught who to diffuse tension by recognizing certain conversational triggers which have led to arguments in the past. This is especially important where there are children involved, since you will continue to be in communication with one another long after the divorce is finalized. As your divorce coach, I will hold you accountable for the goals you set and will offer you suggestions and additional resources to help make these goals a reality.